When people ask me what inspired Getting What I Deserve, I often say it came from memory. Not just of events, but of emotions—especially the confusing, shifting nature of friendship during adolescence.
Friendship, at that age, wasn’t simple. And for me, it was never easy.
Trust Was Complicated
As a teen, I defined friendship through loyalty and trust—but I also struggled to know who I could really count on. I sometimes worried that acts of kindness weren’t sincere, that someone was setting me up to be embarrassed.
This wasn’t because of anything dramatic that happened to me. It was rooted more in low self-esteem—this lingering feeling that I wasn’t enough.
Still, I had real friends, too. We made Super-8 movies together. We shared a love of science fiction, Star Trek, and stories that let us escape into new worlds.
Public vs. Private Personas
One moment I’ll never forget: a classmate who had always been somewhat cold at school suddenly became my friend when we saw each other by chance on a family vacation. We had a great time—bonding, laughing, treating each other like real friends.
But when we returned to school and I said “hi” in the hallway, he looked at me with disdain.
That moment hit me hard. I realized how different people could be when peer pressure, image, or fear took over.
Staying in the Hard Friendships
Later, when some of my friendships fell apart due to “teen drama,” I found myself alone. That’s when I befriended someone who was even more isolated than I was—a deeply depressed boy who had no real support system.
He was difficult to connect with. His anxiety made every interaction feel like walking through fog. But I stayed. I put in the effort, not just out of kindness, but because I felt he might value my friendship in a way others hadn’t. For a while, that was enough.
Looking back, I realize I wasn’t just reaching out to him—I was also clinging to some sense of connection for myself.
“I wanted to believe that I had finally won out like I thought I would, and my life would change. I wanted to think that my worst enemy finally saw that I wasn’t so bad. I figured if he became my friend, then anything else was possible... I wanted to have a friend so badly.”
— Getting What I Deserve
The Fiction Came From Real Emotion
Getting What I Deserve reflects all of this. Charlie’s longing for connection—his willingness to tolerate mistreatment because he wants to belong—was very real for me. The confusion, the feeling of emotional whiplash when friendships shifted or collapsed—that was my adolescence.
And some of the most dramatic moments in the book, including a climactic physical altercation, were drawn directly from my lived experience.
Friendship at thirteen isn’t simple. There’s affection, but also dominance, sarcasm, and insecurity. There’s love—but there’s also fear. That’s the reality I wanted to put on the page. And maybe, through that honesty, a reader will feel a little less alone.
💬 If this story resonated with you—or reminded you of someone you know—I hope you’ll share it.
Getting What I Deserve is a novel about what it means to crave connection, even when it hurts. It’s for the kids who stay quiet, the friends we didn’t know how to help, and the ones still figuring out who they are.
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📘 Getting What I Deserve by Rich Samuels
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